Friday, December 30, 2005

My first semester is over, and I cannot believe it went by so quickly. My final projects and papers, and above all, my first months of Cambridge life are now gone. I look back and cannot help but wonder if my life could have taken a better direction. I now know how it feels to be where you want to be, in lifeI mean. I enjoy what I do, I love what I read, and I embrace what comes along. Over the course of few months, I have amazing friends from different continents, I have beautiful memories, I have found a new Me after all. Isn't that what I came all the way for? Dreams on the other hand, are what I am living for. I have plenty of them, and perhaps that is why I feel so alive.

I had the greatest time over the holidays, spending time with lovely freinds, singing and drinking with Mehdi and Mehrnoush and Babak, taking long walks on foggy roads, reciting poetry and talking about our beloeved homeland. I needed a break, to spend some time with myself. This is the thing about the States, about MIT. It leaves you no free time to have a chat with yourself every once in a while. That is why I had to take a break, and I couldn't have gotten a better one. Now back in Cambridge, I feel I have a lot to think about, to live for. This Xmas, this new year of 2006, this vacant MIT, this tender feeling of hope and life, this new circle of freinds and this huge pack of dreams, is what I call life. The time of new year is always a chance to look back and to re-evaluate your life, even if it is not my new year. It is a while I am living on two calenders, on two waves, in two seperate venues, and yet I am living both of them. This is what migration is all about, and the good thing is you always have a double chance of celebrating life, celebrating your being. I look back and remember last xmas at Chery joon's place in Oxford. We took a long walk in Iffley village, we knew it would be my last Xmas in Oxford, but what I didn not know was where I would be the following Xmas. This is life, this is when you realise life is not about knowing where you are heading, but mainly about how you live it right now...

Yannis, my best greek friend from Oxford, is visiting us for two days. He showed me last night all the photos he had on his laptop, and just like that brought Oxford to Cambridge, or else, took me to Oxford again. It was very nostalgic to look at those photos, those faces, those Bops and those Guest nights again. It was all too familiar, except I was not there anymore. He had put lots of Greek/Turkish/Persian music on my iPod when I was leaving in June, the same day when he saw me off in Gluster Green station. I had spent all my time in Montreal in August, listening to those songs. Tragically, I lost all of them due to an error on the bloody iPod. Last night, he put them on my Ipod again, and now listening to "Undercover" and a lot more, I cannot help but think of summer, of my many flights, of home, of Oxford, of BBQ s and goodbyes, and of Montreal. It is such a paradoxical feeling, you know how priceless it is to have friends all over the planet, yet you keep missing them and that hurts. I wonder if it is myself who I am missing, the Me who lived those days, or it is the entire exprience of Oxford. I wonder how I would feel about MIT in say five years time. Life is such a journey, and you are always left with memos.
So, just about twenty four hours to 2006, I am traditionally looking back, and this time quickly looking ahead, wondering where my life is taking me.. Grateful for whatever I have been granted so far, I keep hoping for a future full of friendships and dreams, of meaningful experiences and cherished moments. 2005 was a unique year for me, in which my life took a drastic turn, everything I started afresh, as if I was just born. In a way, this is my first birthday in terms of me being in charge of my own life. Shall I grow old doing what I am dreaming of? Who knows. All I know is that, so long as I have dreams, I am alive...


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