I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy ..
John Admas

We fight for freedom, that is what they say. We seem though to search for freedom everywhere but where it is. Freedom is in your heart, in your soul. Freedom is when you sing as though no one can hear you. Freedom is when you live moments to the end. Freedom is You.

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
Maslow, Abraham H.

The world expand before my eyes. Seems like each day is bringing with it the opportunity for living moments thoroughly. Yet, this is exactly when time flies, when you feel there is never enough time. Every single word that I read, is like a new window, to fresh air, to life. I cannot be more grateful for being at this very point in my life....

Jurys

Here comes the cool breeze, wiping the dust off my soul... Here comes the Fall, I can smell it in the air...

Again, so to remember, that in every day and every night, there might be a window to beautiful moments, one that you have not yet opened. Some people are too wrapped up in fears to feel the cool breeze, fears of unknown, fears of anything which is different. Yet I believe now in the beautity of a world, in which all different languages and differet skins are speaking of one heart. I am glad I belong to that world, one of no borders and no fears.
I walk out of Jurys, good times always fly, and the chilly night of September is telling me summer is over. I am spectaculrly fine, awaiting tomorrow with open arms...

O xxx

Pearls...

Two weeks of work in a row, finding new friends, feeling the classroom after so long, walking along Charles River on a chilly evening of September, reading non stop, missing home and the family, cycling after months and starting to live a whole lot of life...

Words -to me- are like pearls. In search of precious pearls, I have explored the depth of each moment, when moments are surrounding me like an ocean. Sometimes they are so close that I can reach them. At times I need to rescue them from the shell, and at times they just slip away from my fingers. There are times though that I get lucky, when pearls come across, slide and roll over my skin, and I can't help but write.

I have learnt so far, that everything in this world can be taken away from us. In a fraction of a second, we may lose any of those things which we had for long taken for granted. When that devastating earthquake happened in Bam, I was right there. It was then when I came to believe no shelter was ever-safe. When my patients succumbed to the very reality of death, I was right there by the bed, learning how death was walking hand in hand with life through every single moment. It was then when I learnt that every second could be the last one of my life, that I have to live each moment to the end, that I have to leave no room for regret. All it takes is a fraction of a second, to lose something. Not only life, freedom and belongings, but even one's own integrity can be taken away from them, and I have lived in an insane enough world to believe that. It took me a while to realise that nothing actually belongs to us, in real terms nothing actually is “our”. Sometimes we are to suffer from losing things that were not really ours in the first place, but are beloved to us, and that is why we cannot afford to lose them, that is why we fear the loss all time, without actually being able to claim anything. At this very moment, when I look at the big picture, I reckon the only thing which can be mine, is my freedom to dream, is the freedom of the soul, is what I think, what I create. This is why Words are my only asset, and I cannot afford losing them. I will never forget that very day when I watched Iris, a movie based on the life of Iris Murdoch, the writer, thinker and philosopher who had lived and studied in Oxford, in my very own college, some sixty years ago, and had died while suffering from Alzheimer's Disease for long. I could see her when words started to become elusive to her, when she had to suffer and search for them when writing, and her persistent efforts were of no avail. It shook me to the marrow, the movie and later the very last writings of hers. It was then when I realised what big a fear it was to me, loss of Words. For days to come, I thought about how my life had been woven into words, their consoling presence in my world and their magical power in my dreams. I realised how many children I had, that were my poems, my stories, the very creations of love and devotion over time, just like giving birth, with a similar experience of pain and timeliness, yet with the similar nature of responsibility. I also remember that rainy December evening in Oxford, when I tried to imagine myself as a future member of the this real world, in say twenty years time; And there sitting in the quad with closed eyes, did I recognise one image for sure, of a pen, and piles of paper. What I might be doing for a living, what profession will define my career, and where I will be working is of no importance, all I know is that, the real ecstasy of life is in creating a momentum, is in living those dreams that may sound insane, and for sure, in the very moment that all of a sudden, words conquer the territory of my mind in the middle of the night, in a bar or on a bike. They roll and roll vigorously until everywhere is covered with pearls; they urge me not only to express what I think, but also to think in the first place. The more I use them the more they come to me. At times, they look so simple, trying to hide their suffering souls. They are alive though, extremely alive.

Words -with the embedded emotions they carry in heart, with the glow of reality and the shine of enthusiasm to shake the world off the dust of injustice, and with their endless capacity for unimagined meanings- have always taken over my life, of my journey. That is why I am here now. I still believe in dreams, in having them and living them. Life can be such a beautiful dream at times, a dream not lived yet. Every single moment may bring about a miracle, a dream to come true. Life is too short to be left unlived, and that is why I have taken the Third Path, the unknown. This is where you have to thrw yourself into the ocean of Time, and embraced by each moment, will you find a pearl…

O xxx

Still ...

It is officially one week that I am living here, and it has been amazing so far, thanks to great people I have met. I have made my very first friends here in the campus, and day by day, I have found it more and more exciting to just be where there is a lot to explore. It just hit me tonight that I have really taken this step, have actually started the journey and have already started to live a life here. As much as I had anticipated the experience, I have to say it is nothing like I had imagined. I keep comparing things to what I used to experience back in Oxford, but this is just a totally different path, with totally different moments and feelings. Thanks to the great timing of the events, I couldn't be luckier to have a great friend around for the very first week of my life here, and I have no words to say how priceless all this help and advice have been to me so far. I also got involved in the orientation events, through which I got to know amazing people who I am sure will be great friends of mine in future. Also, I met new Persian people, thanks to my dear visiting friend again, and I am most grateful for that. Even right now, back from dinner with lovely Touska , Alen and Cameron, I am thinking to myself how smoothly this new chapter started. I am positive it can be a great one, full of wonderful moments, challenges, joy, hard work and friendships. It also feels a bit strange to be among engineers and high tech specialists, and speaking to new people from different backgrounds, I cannot help but wonder whether I really needed a break from the medical world. Good news is No one is going to talk to me about the USMLEs, and actually it does make sense to these people when I talk about my interest in humanities:)

As much as I don't want to jump into conclusions, I am finding MIT an amazing place which could provide me with great opportunites for growth and self evaluation. I have been through one Kooch so far, and I cannot be more grateful for that. May this new journey be a better one, with more to learn and more to explore.. It feels weird when you know you will be staying somewhere for a good four or five years, but it also brings with it loads of responsibilities. This is my new chance to re-define a lot of things, including my own identity, my values and my dreams. As far as dreams are concerned, I am happy to have big ones, even if some of them never come true. It is through just having dreams that life happens to have a meaning. This is why at this very point of my journey, I am holding on to those dreams which dragged me all the way to this beautiful place with huge amount of life floating in the air...

I have no idea what life has to offer me in say five years time. I might end up in an academic career, or else I might keep my hands dirty in medicine in a way. Be it one way or the other, I am glad to be here, and something is telling me that this is probably the best place to make a bridge between medicine/sciense and humanities, to make sense of my dreams, to give dimentions to real life, and to live a life as if there will be no tomorrow.. Yes, it has been a week now, and it just hit me tonight that I have started the journey...